Where to go? What to do?
I didn't get another writing job. I've applied to several over the last 9 months or so, but I don't currently have any meaningful prospects. My full time job drains my soul. It makes me miserable, and no matter how much I try to make the most of it and shift my frame of mind around it, it will never be what I want. It will never be meaningful, or provide a sense of personal success. I'm financially successful enough, sure, and that's something a lot of Americans can't say right now. But What's the trade-off? I sell my soul for 40 hours a week and I come home exhausted and unfulfilled.
I keep thinking that I wish I could go to school for Journalism. I feel like that's the boat I missed, like that's what I'm supposed to be doing. But landing a job that can sustain me, even at a lesser wage than I currently earn, in a field being choked by AI and a steady downfall of local outlets while in competition with people who have studied for it isn't working. My portfolio is bulking up, but it isn't getting me anywhere. At least not yet. So I want to cover all my bases. Get that education. Put up some real competition for those positions. But I work full time, and can't afford not to. I haven't found any night-school programs for journalism. And I'm getting ready to have a baby. Full time work, part time work (doing what I actually want to be doing full time), a baby, the township board, the county Dem committee, AND school? I don't think that's a recipe for success. And that's not even all of my responsibilities. Plus, I wouldn't qualify for much financial aid, if any. Maybe some old-people scholarships though, who knows.
I know what I want, but I don't know the way forward. It feels like I'm stretching my arms out in the dark trying to grab onto the right thing and hoping that if I miss, whatever I grab instead won't bite me.
Something in me says I need to make a leap of faith. But I'm not sure what direction to jump and I'm afraid that I'll take a leap and fall down a deep and dark rabbit hole.