Still Here, I Swear
Hi Bear! I've been neglecting you. Really, I've been neglecting my writing in general. Even my work for GovTrack has been a source of procrastination for me lately, a sign that I'm in sore need of a re-centering with myself, I think. I very much enjoyed writing nearly every day when I was keeping to it. But when I got pregnant things shifted. My first trimester was thankfully mild, but woefully exhausting. The fatigue never seemed to end. I'm 23 weeks now and still pretty tired, but I do have more energy than before and with that has come a return to the drive to write. I've made a bad habit of procrastination though, which I need to re-break.
When it comes to blogging I found myself feeling like nothing I've had to say has been sufficient. I've felt like anything I can putz out of my keyboard is missing something. Part of this is surely the weight of the time we're living in, and my difficulty taking it all in. But I think it's also coming from a place of self-hinderance. I want my writings to be meaningful, to provoke thought and have a certain gravitas. But sometimes my thoughts are incomplete and I don't have the time or energy to sit with them long enough to bring them all the way through. And sometimes, especially lately, I've found myself sitting in feelings rather than thoughts. And I need to keep in mind that there's nothing wrong with writing about those things. Not everything has to be perfectly poignant and tie itself up with a neat little bow. A daily writing practice is one that ebbs and flows. It is whatever the writer needs it to be on any given day. I intend to return to this mindset, stubborn as my silly mind might be.
I've also been horribly distracted by nonsense. My phone is my greatest source of resentment lately, and I need to get off of the damn thing.
Anyhow, I've updated a couple of my pages and there are a few topics I intend to write about soon. Some re-arranging I think I want to do on my nav too. I have some plans this afternoon that'll keep me from my keyboard, but I wanted to say Hello again, Friend. I'm still here. And I've set an intention for myself to be more present with myself as a writer. Be back soon. <3