RE:13. I Write Therefore I Am (Neurotic)
notesonliving wrote this lovely post and I wanted to share my thoughts, because there's something so satisfyingly meta in writing about writing. And because I love her perspective and how she describes her relationship to our shared passion.
I've always felt predisposed to write. I don't know when this began for me, or if there was a beginning.
This predisposition is one of the only things (maybe the only thing) that has lived with me for all my conscious years, and I'm certain that it'll live with me as long as I'm breathing. From the moment I could form letters on a page I was fascinated with the compilation of those letters into words. One of my earliest memories is of writing my full name for perhaps the first time, with crayon on cardboard while my older sister coached me through spelling my middle name. I was very young, pre-preschool age, and I was giddy to make meaning from crayon lines.
The next thing I recall on the subject is writing letters to my mom. Dad had to tell me how to spell every single word. I was probably 4 when that started. What does a 4-year-old write about? I don't recall. But it was important to me.
Never have I not had a notebook I am writing in (much like I'm never not reading a novel). I cannot imagine moving about the world and not cracking open a notebook to write about it.
This is so real! I don't want to imagine living in a world without a need to write!
I kept a few journals growing up. In a house full of nosey siblings, it wasn't the place for private reflection that notesonliving describes. I had to encode things a bit, but buried in poetry and snippets of short stories, my thoughts and feelings have always been a part of what I write; though often indirectly. Even in adulthood, I feel a sense of privacy in some things—the journal in my mind is sacred but admittedly, the archive is flawed.
I do narrate things in my mind that I might otherwise journal. I describe sensations as if for a reader to understand, and think of phrases to best describe how I feel or where I stand. It's important to me to be able to put words to any and everything. Never once have I been satisfied by the idea of something being beyond words.
I can't say there has never been a time when I wasn't writing. OP's unwavering commitment is incredible. But the times without have been some of my darkest. When words fail me, I am lost. Writing keeps me found. It holds me together. When I'm not writing, I'm not myself. And when I find myself again, I write.
I do this entirely as a practice in self-formation. As to whether or not that self is worth the close reading - the jury's still out on that.
I think perspective, reflection, and self-exploration are always worth reading. I understand that's not objective—it's not everyone's taste. But there's a magic in putting Self on a page. Sometimes I think to future generations and ponder what my children's children might think of my words. Decades down the road, when my descendants look back to me as an ancestor, what might they gain from knowing me through those words?
If it's worth writing, it's worth reading for someone.
Why do you write?
I write because I must; because I'm compelled to self-expression; to understand and to be understood.
Sometimes it's direct: "Here are my thoughts."
Poetry is often explorative: "It's hard to put these feelings to words. Symbols and meter will help."
Sometimes it's to share a new understanding: "Here's what I've learned, and how it affects socio-political dynamics."
Others it's to mobilize readers: "Here's what's happening and what we can do about it."
Mostly, I write because writing means the world to me. It's my place in the world. It's a circular self-definition. I write because I am a writer. And I'm glad to find community with people like notesonliving.