ISO a Village
My village is small.
I come from a big family made smaller by dysfunction over time. It's odd, being somewhat alone after an upbringing where I was always surrounded by people. I acquired a pretty large group of friends through my husband, but not many of them are my friends.
I've never been the best at making and keeping friends. I've had a tendency my whole life to sort of cycle between small groups or individuals. Sometimes a falling out creates a wedge, other times things just fizzle out for any number of reasons and the closeness dissolves over time. Either way, I tend to get in my own way when it comes to building and growing social connections. It's contradictory, but I do consider myself a social person, albeit quite awkward. I need to be social, but I struggle with it.
As I'm looking around trying to think of anyone who might be interested in subscribing to my newsletter, I'm reminded that the people around me often aren't my people. It makes me sad, amplifying the loneliness that aches in the background of my mind.
But it's also an opportunity. Knowing is the first step to fixing—to changing. Easier said than done, but not impossible. Maybe this year, I'll grow my village.