Another Month Gone By
Jeez, another month has passed and I've done zero blogging. tsk.
I've been getting everything ready for Baby Sunshine. Her nursery is all set, the go bags are packed, and Hubs and I muse every day that it might be the day we finally get to meet our little girl. She's two days past her due date now, and I'm ready to hold her in my arms instead of my uterus. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and we've joked that she's waiting for then. We're due for a 9.26 life event—in 2019 we bought our first house, in 2020 we got married, and in 2022 we moved to the lakehouse. If she comes tomorrow the intervals will have doubled twice and it feels like there'd be some magic there. Plus it's a full moon, so all the forces might be coming together. We'll see. It's just a waiting game at this point.
I'll be taking time off from my full-time, obviously, but also from my part-time writing gig. But I don't want to take too much time off from writing in general. It's already been a slow year as far as that goes, and I've worried that this next phase of my life could result in the loss of my determination to find a writing career.
So, my goal is to journal near daily. I want to keep myself grounded in words and I think it'll also help me with this major adjustment and any mental health troubles I find. So many women talk about losing themselves in motherhood and that's been a really scary thought for me. It's important to me that my daughter know her mom as a whole person with passions and dreams and that she know that women are more than mothers.
So I hope that staying connected to words on a screen or a page will help me stay connected to myself as a writer and everything that means to me. And also to the world around me. Another fear I have is that motherhood will take up all of the brain-space that politics and social issues have been taking up for many years. It's also important to me to demonstrate the importance of being involved and engaged with a goal of making things better. I'm bringing a person into a really fucked up world and society. I want to set an example for her to understand that we don't have to just accept things how they are.
Anyhow, while I wait to see what this new adventure has in store for me, and what I have in store for it, I'm enjoying the start of Fall. The weather is cooling and leaves are turning. Even with the hum of harvesters in the distance, it's a peaceful time and I'm grateful for the calm.