A Secret Announcement
There's kind of an unspoken rule (or maybe it's a spoken rule; probably written often on the internet) to refrain from sharing news of a pregnancy until you've made it past the first trimester. 12 weeks. Anything could happen—miscarriages in the first trimester are extremely common.
Good thing my bear is anonymous 'cause boy, do I need to write about this new unplanned adventure!
I want to tell my family. I'm close with my parents, and not telling them seems like insanity! But I'm prone to miscarriage and I've miscarried before. Un-telling people is a massive burden. So it doesn't feel safe to tell almost anyone. I thought about just telling my sister; my nephew's mother. He's going to have a little cousin! She's not a great secret-keeper, though. No one in my family is... I'm pretty good at keeping secretes when I need to. But TWELVE WEEKS?? Well, I suppose it's only 8.
I found out very early, by typical standards. I'm 4 weeks and 1 day along. Baby is barely implanted. (This measurement seems dumb. I was not pregnant 4 weeks ago. But based on how they measure, that's where I'm at.) I have an Oura ring which predicts my cycle very accurately. It has never been wrong, or even off by a day or two, in the 10 months that I've had it. So when it appeared to be wrong, I thought "probably not, but I'll take a test just to get it off my mind."
When I saw the test was positive, I froze. My husband was upstairs, unaware. I sat there for probably 10 minutes, trying to figure out how I felt. More afraid than joyous, I also felt guilty. I knew how I was supposed to feel, and I wasn't feeling it.
Do I want this? The world is such shit. What happens to my career? How do I tell my husband? What would I even say?
I went with "Hey... You busy?" which we both laughed about later.
We weren't sure right away. We've waffled over the years on whether we want to have kids. There are factors that gave us pause. Are we doing this?
We slept on it. This morning we got up, he went to work and I stayed home sick (actually sick, with COVID of all things). We texted a bit during the day about what direction we were leaning. When he got home, we made the decision together. We're going to be parents, if my body will cooperate. I do want this. My career doesn't have to end. I can still work towards my goals. Together, we'll raise a good kid.